Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and express one’s own emotions, as well as the ability to empathize with and understand the emotions of others. When children develop emotional intelligence, it provides them with several empowering benefits:

Self-Awareness: Children become more self-aware, understanding their own emotions, strengths, and challenges. This self-awareness empowers them to navigate their experiences more effectively.

Self-Regulation: Children can better regulate their emotions and manage stress. This ability to control emotional responses contributes to greater resilience and adaptability in the face of challenges.

Empathy: Understanding and empathizing with the emotions of others is a key component of emotional intelligence. This skill fosters positive relationships and helps children navigate social interactions with kindness and consideration.

Effective Communication: Children are enabled to express their feelings and needs more effectively. Improved communication skills empower them to articulate their thoughts, ask for help, and engage in healthy interpersonal relationships.

Conflict Resolution: Children develop the skills needed for conflict resolution. They can navigate disagreements with peers, siblings, or friends in a constructive manner, fostering positive relationships.

Improved Mental Health: Developing emotional intelligence is associated with better mental health outcomes. Children who can identify and manage their emotions are less likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.

Enhanced Decision-Making: Emotional intelligence contributes to better decision-making. Children with a strong understanding of their emotions can make choices that align with their values and long-term goals.

Academic Success: Children who can manage their emotions and interpersonal relationships effectively are better equipped to focus on learning and perform well in school.

Leadership Skills: As children grow, emotional intelligence becomes a valuable asset in leadership. Understanding and managing emotions helps them inspire and motivate others, fostering positive and collaborative environments.

Increased Confidence: Knowing how to navigate emotions and social situations gives children a sense of confidence and empowerment. They are more likely to approach new challenges with a positive mindset and resilience.

This is all great, you say? You want your child to be emotionally intelligent, but you have one big question…

How does a Parent Raise Their Child to be Emotionally Intelligent?

As a parent, you can raise your child to be emotionally intelligent through a combination of modeling behavior, engaging in open communication, and providing guidance and practice in real-life situations. 

Modeling behavior is the easiest way to teach your child how to respond appropriately and empathetically in social situations. Verbally expressing your own emotions in a way that your child can understand, for example, saying, “I’m feeling a bit stressed because I have a lot of work to do,” is a great way to demonstrate self-awareness. Handling your emotions calmly and appropriately (by taking deep breaths or stepping away to cool down) if you become angry in a challenging situation, is a good way to show how to self-regulate.

Opening up lines of communication about feelings with your child is invaluable. Create an environment where regularly talking about feelings is normal. Ask your child how they feel and help them label their emotions. For example, “You seem upset. Are you feeling frustrated because you can’t find your toy?”

Put your phone away, step away from all distractions and actively listen to what your child is saying. Pay full attention when your child talks about their feelings. Acknowledge their emotions without immediately jumping to solutions. This builds their trust and validates their feelings. When they trust you and feel validated by you, then they will WANT to share their feelings openly and honestly with you in the future.

Use teaching techniques to help them visualize and further understand what social scenarios they might encounter with other children or family members. Read books or tell stories that involve characters facing emotional challenges. Discuss how the characters feel and explore different ways they could handle their emotions. Role-play various scenarios with your child to practice appropriate responses. Show your child techniques for managing their emotions, such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or having a quiet time-out space, and how to be able to rejoin an unpleasant conversation more calmly and empathetically.

It is important to guide your child through real-life situations by problem-solving together. When your child faces a conflict, guide them through the process of resolving it. Ask questions like, “What happened? How did that make you feel? What do you think you could do to make it better?”

Practice empathy.  Empathy is a learned behavior that needs to be practiced. Encourage your child to consider other people’s feelings. Ask questions like, “How do you think your friend felt when that happened? What can you do to help them feel better?” Have your child think about what if that unpleasant thing happened to, or was said to them instead of to their friend and how that would make them feel. It helps place your child in their friend’s perspective and to be more likely to have an emotional response to the situation that is empathetic in nature.

Positive Reinforcement goes a long way in raising an emotionally intelligent child. Recognize and praise your child when they use emotionally intelligent responses. For example, “I noticed how calmly you explained your feelings to your friend. That was very mature of you.” After a situation has passed, encourage them to reflect on the situation by discussing it with your child. Ask them what they think went well and what they might do differently next time.

Let’s take a look at how you might use these techniques to teach your child to resolve an issue with his/her friend who doesn’t like to share. 

An Emotionally Intelligent (EI) Teaching Scenario: 

Below is a scenario you and your young child, Sam, might encounter. It is a simple example of how to use the EI teaching suggestions and techniques. Let’s say Sam is upset because his/her friend, Taylor, didn’t share a toy.

• Step 1: Ask Sam to describe what happened and how it made him/her feel. “Can you tell me what happened with Taylor and how you felt?” (opening lines of communication, actively listening)
• Step 2: Help Sam name his/her emotions. “It sounds like you’re feeling sad and maybe a little angry because Taylor didn’t share.” (actively listening and acknowledge emotions)
• Step 3: Guide Sam in considering Taylor’s perspective. “How do you think Taylor felt when you asked for the toy?” (practicing empathy)
• Step 4: Discuss possible solutions. “What do you think you can say to Taylor to explain how you feel and find a way to share the toy?” (problem-solving together)
• Step 5: Practice the conversation with Sam. Role-play what he/she might say to Taylor. (teaching techniques)

The frequency and amount of practicing of these types of real-life scenarios until a strong understanding of emotionally intelligent responses are consistently displayed will vary from child to child, depending on their ability to read and understand others’ feelings, understand and show empathy, their willingness to want to peacefully resolve conflict between themselves and their friends, and the rate at which they mature. Ideally, as a parent, you would want your child to be capable of successfully resolving conflict without mediation of an adult.

The scenario below shows an interaction between two, more mature children, both utilizing emotionally intelligent techniques they’ve learned to remain calm, empathetic, and to problem-solve.

A Scenario of Conflict Between Two Emotionally Intelligent Children on the Playground

Two friends, Alex and Jamie, have a disagreement over which game to play during recess. Alex wants to play soccer, while Jamie prefers basketball. Both feel strongly about their choice and start to argue.

Self-Awareness

Alex recognizes that he feels frustrated because he really enjoys soccer and was looking forward to playing it. Jamie notices that she feels upset because she had a rough morning and thinks basketball will cheer her up. 

Self-Regulation

Alex takes a deep breath to calm down and avoid saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment.

Jamie counts to ten to manage her irritation and not escalate the argument. 

Empathy

Alex thinks about how Jamie might be feeling and remembers that she seemed a bit down earlier. Jamie considers that Alex was excited about playing soccer and might feel disappointed if they don’t.

Effective Communication

Alex says, “I understand you want to play basketball because you’re having a tough day. Maybe we can find a way to play both games.” Jamie responds, “Thanks for understanding, Alex. I know you love soccer. How about we play soccer first for a while and then switch to basketball?”

Problem-solving and Social Skills

Together, they agree to split their recess time between both games, ensuring they both get to do what they enjoy. They also decide that next time they’ll start with basketball, so it feels fair to both.

The Outcome

By using emotional intelligence, Alex and Jamie manage to resolve their conflict amicably. They both feel heard and respected, and they come up with a solution that makes their recess enjoyable for both. This strengthens their friendship and teaches them valuable conflict resolution skills for the future. 

Emotional Intelligence Is a Lifelong Tool for Kids

Parents, caregivers, and educators play a crucial role in fostering emotional intelligence in children by providing support, modeling healthy emotional expression, and creating environments that encourage open communication. Overall, the development of emotional intelligence equips children with lifelong tools they can and will be able to utilize to enhance mental and physical health, to foster personal growth, and  to lead fulfilling and successful lives, full of meaningful relationships.